i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
