Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
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