I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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