i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
