The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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