Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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