I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Buhtt sex?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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