is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
