i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
