Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The struggles of a small town man whore
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
