He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
