whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
