i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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