if i can run in heels then i can drive
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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