We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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