it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
