dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
