Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
