I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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