Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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