why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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