Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
