maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Come share oat with me in your robe
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
