My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Congratulations! We have a period
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize