I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
