Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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