i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
