I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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