ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
