can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
