Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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