How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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