I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
