Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
