Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
