I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
