Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
