No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
