his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
