We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
