I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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