you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
