My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Dear god my vagina.
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