with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
