It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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