I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
