Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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