I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
