They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
