Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
