u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
