Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
