It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just threw up on my dentist
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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