oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
