I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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