yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
