my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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