Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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