Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
