Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i wish my penis had a tongue
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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