Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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