yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
