I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
it's great music for shaving your balls
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize