So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
