Will you blow on my dice?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
