yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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