this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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