I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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