I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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