Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
