made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
