I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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