I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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