dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
