That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
