he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I think I sprained my soul last night
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
