If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
We had to coat check the pizza.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
